Monday, December 2, 2013

Let’s Write A Screenplay, Part 1 – The Idea

Apologies, Alas Smith & Jones
Greg: Mate, you see that flick on the weekend?
Tony: Which one?
Greg: The one I told you about.
Tony: The searing warts and all examination of the human condition?
Greg: No, the one with the sharks coming out of the tornado.
Tony: Yeah, that one.
Greg: Well?
Tony: I thought the cinematography was pretty good.
Greg: You didn’t see it, did you?
Tony: I have, in fact, not seen it.
Greg: We could do something like that.
Tony: Do we even have tornadoes in Australia?
Greg: I meant… you know what I mean.
Tony: Hardly ever.
Greg: We could write something along the same lines!
Tony: A film script?
Greg: Sure, how hard can it be?
Tony: You spelt your name wrong on your final year English exam.
Greg: It was the original European spelling.
Tony: I don’t even know what that means.
Greg: Fine. I’ll be the ideas man, you can write it down.
Tony: And this big idea would be?
Greg: Divanami!
Tony: Excuse me?
Greg: Get this, a thousand washed up actresses wash up in New York and start terrorising the locals by aggressively auditioning for Broadway roles that don’t exist.
Tony: I’m still on, “excuse me?”
Greg: It’ll be huge!
Tony: Well, sure, what with a thousand actresses and all.
Greg: Washed up actresses. Think Lindsay Lohan, think Tara Reid --
Tony: Who?
Greg: Exactly!
Tony: It doesn’t sound very Australian.
Greg: We can throw in a few Home and Away stars.
Tony: Last time I checked New York isn’t an outer suburb of Sydney.
Greg: The home of Broadway, my friend. Remember that girl from school?
Tony: The one who took out a restraining order on you?
Greg: No, the other one.
Tony: I think she ended up taking out one too.
Greg: No, the one who wanted to be a big star, singing and dancing on Broadway.
Tony: Did she ever move to New York?
Greg: No, she couldn’t sing or dance to save herself but that doesn’t matter.
Tony: Probably matters to the people who put on shows in New York.
Greg: The point is that was her dream, to be on stage in the Big Apple.
Tony: Okay.
Greg: Think how many other aspiring actresses have exactly the same fantasy?
Tony: I thought they were washed up?
Greg: You know what I… look, what do they call it when you play around with words?
Tony: Wordplay?
Greg: That’s it. Divanami, actresses, tsunami, washed up, get it?
Tony: Don’t you think that might be a little insensitive in light of recent events?
Greg: The Miley Cyrus thing?
Tony: I was thinking more the people drowning thing.
Greg: No, they’re all dumped in New York alive by some big wave.
Tony: Seems a little implausible, don’t you think?
Greg: They made a movie about sharks in a tornado. 
Tony: Point taken.
Greg: So what do you think?
Tony: Well, what’s the story?
Greg: What do you mean?
Tony: What happens next?
Greg: They start auditioning on the streets of New York.
Tony: Not really the same as sharks on the loose though, is it?
Greg: Have you ever been the victim of a really bad audition?
Tony: I’ve heard stories.
Greg: Terrifying.
Tony: Do you know anything about writing a screenplay?
Greg: Adaptation is one of my favourite movies.
Tony: We’re all set then.
Greg: What do you say?
Tony: New York here we come?

To be continued...

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